The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Completely stolen from Daire.







"Amorous Lover Incomparably Luxuriating in Yummy Affection and Naughty, Natural Attentions"

There is a new scam being pulled, mainly on women who are past the age of giving a running pursuit. What happens is that when the intended victim stops at a red light, an almost NUDE, good looking, tanned young man comes up to her car and pretends to wash the windshield.



While he is doing this, another young and handsome athletic man, opens the back door of the car, jumps in and insists the woman drive off with him to some lonely spot, where he has his way with her.



Be warned - they are very good at this......



They got me three times on Friday, and five times on Saturday. I couldn't find them on Sunday.

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses On And Point Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.



2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.



3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries

With That.



4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."



5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten

Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.



6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"



7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."



8. Whenever possible don't use any punctuation even if it means running together thoughts i want french fries but Napoleon won't bring me my chapstick



9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.



10. Order A Diet Water Whenever You Go Out To Eat With A Serious Face.



11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."



12. Sing Along At The Opera.



13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme



14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.



15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.



16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.



17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"



18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling

"Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"



19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."



Sorry for the terrible capitalization in this little diddy, but I had to put it in here and I am way too lazy to fix it :)